Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
