im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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