Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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