Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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