at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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