you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
