Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
