okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
