I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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