dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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