Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
