please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
