I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
