Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize