I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
