So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
