I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
