I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
