Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need moral support for this bender
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize