I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize