this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
