And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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