It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
