so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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