i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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