Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
