Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
