Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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