did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
