Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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