remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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