Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize