so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
