you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
