so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
