I hate all girls vehemently.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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