do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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