was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
