i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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