Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
