Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
