Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
