the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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