We won't sleep together?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
