I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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