i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
