I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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