dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
