Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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