Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
