belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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