I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
