Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
