I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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