i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
