WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
