all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
