I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
did you just send me my own nude
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
