Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
