I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
