Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
