i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
