so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
