My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
