My cat gives me a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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