you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
